Love Is a Suicide
by ERADICATEPOSERS
Summary: Daniel always knew his plans to get with his older brother were far-fetched. But he is already in way too deep, and his obsession with Sean causes more than just a few problems. #Diazcest
1. 1: you like the smell of blood

"Okay, but that is really, really weird," drawled Chris Eriksen, a fake laugh coming afterwards. The thirteen-year-old's pale, slender fingers were wrapped around a wine cooler - a wimpy Mike's Hard Lemonade that Daniel had supplied him with. "He's your brother, dude. You're not supposed to like him like that. It's messed up."

Everything had been going fine. Daniel and Chris were having one of their usual Friday night sleepovers. Eighth-graders in middle school, they still had lots of fun bonding over superheroes, but that was getting old. As they matured, so did their topics of conversation.

Their friendship had been comforting and innocent until it no longer was. Neither of the young teenage boys were aware that it would be their last sleepover. After this, both would lose the other entirely.

"Man, I don't want a lecture," Daniel said, lightly punching Chris on the arm. He's aware of how that makes the other child flinch, even just slightly. "Besides, I don't just like him. I love him."

Within moments, the weak smile that Chris wore had fallen completely. His stained, reddened lips formed a straight line of disapproval, his cheeks a hue of pink - Daniel wasn't sure if it was because of the alcohol or the taboo nature of their discussion.

"Look, Daniel. You're not thinking fully about what you're saying," Chris responded seriously, setting the alcohol down on the carpet floor. "I mean, you're young. I'm young. Maybe it's just a weird phase."

"Oh, come on," groaned Daniel. "This isn't just a phase. I'm not just hormonal. We've discussed this so many times. I've felt this way about him since forever."

"You're acting crazy," Chris snapped suddenly, voice raised. It wasn't like him; his voice was usually soft, too soft. It surprised Daniel, and he hardly focused as Chris continued to say, "It's nasty. It'd be incest. Not to mention, he's also way older than you. It's just stupid. You need to get over it. Quit talking about him."

"But I let you talk about Reese whenever you want," Daniel replied irritably, rolling his eyes at the exaggerated sigh that soon escaped the blond's mouth.

"Maybe because I made out with her? She's also my age and not my sister," snarked Chris. Something hot and inspiring was beginning to slowly take over Daniel's fists. "Just get over him, Daniel. He's never going to feel the same way. He's your brother. And he's twenty. Any same person would agree with me."

"You don't know that! And you don't get to make fun of me. You literally kissed a fucking dumb whore," Daniel spat, too angry now to bite his tongue. "I love Sean. I love him more than anything else, Chris. I would do anything for him. That's love."

"Jesus, Dan-"

Daniel cut him off harshly, "Why are you acting so surprised about all of this? We've talked about my feelings for him already a shit ton. You're not understanding at all. You're a dick, dude."

Daniel was quivering with anger. He hated how Chris tried to act so mature. Sure, his plans to get with Sean were a bit crazy, but he just wished the other boy was more sympathetic to his situation.

Daniel is aware that he is unhealthily obsessed with his sibling, but he honestly doesn't care. The thought of getting with Sean made him happy, and he was never happy otherwise. His big brother overwhelms his brain at all times, even while doing the most mundane tasks. He gives Daniel a high that weed never could. He is Daniel's whole world.

"I can't do this shit anymore! You're - you're crazy!" exclaimed Chris. He laughed, but it wasn't sarcastic this time. It was sour and lacked any humor. "You need therapy. This is so disgusting and wrong. I'm sick of hearing about it. I have been understanding, as understanding as one can be about literal incest. Anyone else probably would have laughed at you, Dan. But this is just insane. You need help."

Daniel's ears rung. He stared coldly into the upset and accusing blue eyes of Chris, and he felt genuine hatred. He felt betrayal, loathing, and hurt all at the same time. Everything was slow, and his vision began to blur.

The feeling in his shaking fists that had been mere tingles before felt like shocks now. His hands were stinging, burning with a desire to hit Chris - so, he did it.

His knuckles connected to his now ex-best friend's cheek. The action was swift and firm and repeated twice. A sickening crack sounded, and Daniel wasn't sure who it belonged to. He didn't care about that. After the punch, all he felt was smug and satisfied. He was happy. He never was happy without Sean, but shutting Chris up with his fists made him euphoric. It made him feel powerful, evident by his widened eyes and the rapid beat of his heart.

He watched as Chris began to sob, his small frame trembling. Daniel did not feel bad. With a scoff, he roughly shoved a hand over the blond's mouth. "Fuck you. Shut up. Shut the hell up. If you tell anyone about this, I'll beat your ass harder than your dad does. Try me."

There was mostly silence that followed, except for Chris clutching his bruised cheek and sniveling. Daniel stared solemnly out of the bedroom's window, his adrenaline fading and being replaced with melancholy. With an intense ache in his fists, all he could think of was Sean and how bad he wanted to be with him. With his brother in college a state away, he only got to see him for the holidays. Sure, they video chatted and called a lot, but it wasn't enough. He wanted to feel Sean. Daniel wanted to be pressed against his warm body and fall asleep in his arms.

"I'm gonna sleep in the living room," muttered Daniel, receiving no reply which was expected. Tears filled his eyes, and he bit down hard on his bottom lip before gritting his teeth.

His twisted mind began to blame Chris for everything: for making him so angry that he got violent, for hurting his feelings, and for ruining his night. All Daniel had wanted was someone to vent to.

Daniel slowly crept out of the bedroom. He made his way down the dark hallway and stepped into the dim living room, only to bump into a broad chest.

"What's wrong, Daniel?" Charles, Mr. Eriksen, asked with worry taking over his features. Daniel examined the man's older but still attractive face through his blurred vision. "What are you crying for?"

Daniel sniffled innocently. He gazed up at Mr. Eriksen, batting his thick lashes that framed his teary eyes. "Ch-Chris and I. . . we-we got into a bad argument. I want to sleep in here, on the couch."

Mr. Eriksen's eyes softened, and he gently touched Daniel's thin arm. He led the young boy to the couch, his big hand on the small of the child's back.

"I'll grab you a blanket and a pillow," Charles said softly, disappearing down the hallway that Daniel had just come from.

The teenager waited patiently. He hummed quietly and put a hand under his chin. He gave a polite smile when Mr. Eriksen finally returned, carrying a fluffy blanket and a soft pillow.

"I'll be in my bedroom if you, uh, need anything, Daniel."

When he turned, Daniel latched his small fingers onto the man's arm. He whimpered and dug his fingers into the older male's veins, which made him wince. Sweetly and with a manipulative sniffle, Daniel whispered, "I-I don't wanna be alone. I'm scared and sad."

There was some hesitation, but Mr. Eriksen caved quickly. With a stressed sigh, he settled down onto the couch.

Daniel did not think clearly when he decided to act next.

With a forced grin, Daniel leaned up and grabbed the side of Mr. Eriksen's face, causing confusion to overtake his face. "Hey, Daniel, what-"

"Shut up," hissed Daniel lowly, that same adrenaline from before flooding him. He swiftly crawled off the couch and positioned himself on the floor in front of Charles, facing him. His shaky fingers went to the zipper of the man's jeans. It was an impulsive action caused by a desire for revenge.

This was all just the beginning of the chaos.


	2. 2: you like your words to cut

Daniel blinked.

He examined himself thoroughly in the mirror. His eyes wandered along his tan, flawless skin and then shifted to his hair. The fifteen-year-old ran a clean, manicured hand through his dyed blond locks and smiled confidently, exposing his white teeth. He allowed his face to relax and stared at his clothes - a tight-fitting shirt with Nike basketball shorts and crew socks. He looked good. Daniel exhaled the breath he had been holding.

Sean was coming home today, and he'd be staying for a few months. Finally. No more going long, painful months without seeing each other in person. Daniel had been waiting for this moment since his big brother had been accepted into college.

Daniel's feelings were not a choice. From the moment he was born, his being had yearned for Sean. That had only intensified throughout the years, never waning once.

Even though he knew Sean would be introducing his girlfriend soon. Daniel thought she was pathetic. He was way better than she could ever be or dream of being. He wasn't going to let some less-than-mediocre slut ruin his time with his big brother.

"Daniel!" called Esteban from the kitchen. The teenager jumped, startled. His gaze broke from the mirror, and he glanced nervously at the closed door.

"Yeah?"

"Sean's here!"

Daniel's head spun, and his knees became weak. His cheeks heated, and he swallowed thickly and tried to calm his trembling hands and harsh breath. He stammered weakly, "C-coming. . ."

The moment wasn't even that special. Daniel had seen Sean a month-and-a-half ago. His brother, though, never failed to take his breath away. Literally. He felt like he was choking on air.

Feeling dizzy but managing to breathe, Daniel shyly made his way out of the bathroom.

Only to have his breath ripped away from him again.

At twenty-two, Sean looked as good as ever, even in simple clothing. A hoodie stuck to his frame. Sweatpants covered his long legs, and Daniel wished he could yank them off and suck his brother off right then and there.

"Daniel," breathed Sean, his eyes lighting up. Daniel stumbled back when his brother rushed to him, wrapping his arms around him. The younger sibling began to tear up, absolutely and completely sure of his happiness in that moment. Their father smiled warmly as he watched his sons. "Enano, I missed you so much."

They both reluctantly separated. Daniel sniffled, grinning and saying, "I missed you too, Sean. So much."

Sean gently grabbed his chin. "You're crying?"

Daniel felt a little embarrassed. "Ju-just so happy to see you."

"Awww." Sean hugged him again, ruffling his hair. Daniel typically hated anyone messing up his hair, but he didn't care when it was Sean. "I'm happy to see you as well."

"Alright, alright. You spoil him, Sean. Come give your papito a hug." Daniel pouted like a little kid. Ugh.

"Of course, dad."

Sean separated from Daniel hesitantly, making his way to hug Esteban.

"Okay, you boys have fun. I'm going to the garage."

The two brothers watched their father leave. When he was gone, Sean turned to Daniel and smiled. "That's dad. Always slaving away."

Daniel giggled, him relishing in Sean's smile. He didn't want to take his eyes away. Nothing could possibly ruin his mood. His brother had the aura of pure sunshine, and he was basking in the heat. He was so, so precious to Daniel.

Sean was beautiful. While others may regard the man as simple, normal even, Daniel knew there was more to him. He knew his brother better than anyone else, after all. Why wouldn't he? That's his person.

"I like the hair," compliments Sean. He curled a few strands of Daniel's hair around his index finger. "It looks really good on you."

Daniel giggled again, blushing. His chest stung with so much unhealthy love and intense adoration. Sean was so perfect that it physically ached, and all he had done was just breathe. Now with him around, every day would be amazing.

If Sean told Daniel to kill himself, he's scared that he just might.

"Thank you," whispered Daniel. He cringed before clearing his throat and speaking again, "Uh, sorry. Thank you. I wanted it to be a surprise, so I never showed you. I only had it dyed a few days ago."

"Well, it looks amazing."

Daniel chuckled. "Yeah. Thanks again."

He took a brief moment to fully take in Sean's face again since the last time he had seen him. His nice jawline that was dusted with slight but developing facial hair, his perfect pink and kissable lips, and his sweet dark eyes. He was absolutely gorgeous.

Daniel wondered what Sean thought of his appearance. While the teenager knew he was definitely not bad-looking, he thought about what his brother might like visually. Whatever it is, Daniel is terrified that he might not exceed or even meet Sean's expectations.

Daniel wanted Sean to desire him just as much. He wanted the older male to look at him and feel like he was already sinning.

"So, what's been happening?" inquired Sean. You know, you told me you've been reading more. Any recommendations?"

Daniel had been waiting for Sean to ask him this. Though he hadn't expected the question to come so soon, he knew exactly what he was going to reply - he had rehearsed it probably hundreds of times. He inhaled a gentle breath, his heart thumping fast again.

"Flowers in the Attic," responded Daniel calmly.

Sean's mouth quirked upwards, interested. "Oh, yeah? What's it about?"

"Incest. Between siblings."

The story was perhaps about a bit more than that, but Daniel wanted to tell Sean about the main reason he had given the book his time.

An awkward pause followed. Sean looked at him with affected eyes, widened with surprise. Then, he relaxed and cleared his throat.

"Oh, um, cool. Hey, enano, I'm, uh, going to go put my stuff in my room real quick. I mean, i-it's going to take a while to unpack, so it probably won't be that quick actually."

Daniel gave him a sweet smile. He stared into Sean's eyes innocently. "Okay, big brother. Have fun." He watched, satisfied, as Sean stumbled away to his old bedroom.

He had gotten the gears in Sean's head spinning, and all it had taken were a few words.


End file.
